Wengler Annual Christmas Letter 2011

Worried about the value of the Euro or how much longer the federal government can pay its bills? Leave all your troubles behind and enjoy the Wengler Family 2011 Christmas Email. Now with 20% more fiber! Sit back, relax and feel more regular!

 So here is the summary:

1. We moved (of course we did) and bought a house near Philadelphia, PA

2. Dale changed offices and now commutes 2.5 hrs less per day

3. We lost and gained pets

4. We went to Maine and cleaned up lots of cat pee 

5.  We went to Maine on vacation

6. We have no more kids than in 2010

7. We had a first time family reunion

8. We went camping, sledding, swimming, snowmobiling, kayaking, bike riding, 

rock climbing, snowshoeing, ice skating, hot tubbing, tubing and wakeboarding  

9.  We filed our taxes on time

10. Our t.v. was assaulted 

Our year started out with a sweet vacation up to Freeport, Maine. We stayed with wicked awesome friends and had a ton of fun. First we skated while Emma practiced her Karate Kid Crane Kick. Christian got his tongue stuck to his zipper. 

Then we jumped on the trampoline into the snow, then out of the snow into a hot tub!

Then our mouths jumped in to the best homemade, fresh, lobster rolls we have ever had! (Is it rude to pull out your phone and take a picture at the dinner table when your hosts are serving you . . .) I don't care! Look at that beast! Red Lobster what??

Maine is great, but the people are even better.

Man cannot live on Moxie and ginormous whoopie pies alone . . . but I don't mind trying!  

So James turned 14. He is enjoying middle school and wrestling. When he wrestles he wears an orange "jumpsuit." I wanted him to take on the wrestling name "Mighty Moxie Mangler." James said no and tells his friends he is adopted. 

After reviewing his original birth certificate, James decided he was in fact born to us. We went into NYC and had some fun in Times Square until the giant man in a suit started to approach us on the left. We thought we were goners for sure.  

We got a chance to help the flood victims after the hurricane hit PA pretty bad. We like to help others, but we could have done without the rash from the dirty water. It feels so good to be able to sit down again. 

Jacob turned 11. His medication is really helping him with his photo anxiety. 

Jacob is really enjoying life and loves things like fruit on a plate. This Christmas we got him a plum. 

Jacob is also working on body building. He has his tough guy face pretty much down. James bought P90Y (it takes P90X to the next letter).  Christian loves to cage fight.  Dale adheres to a strict Crosswit regime. Camden, however, is just flabby. 

Here is Jacob shooting a bow. I am not sure what made me more nervous: the arrow hitting someone or the creepy guy with the sweet chops and camo hat next to him. 

Like usual, Emma does well in school and helps out. I got nothing on her.   

We went to dinner together and did some coloring.    

We went to an 80s dance party and pretty much tore it up. Let's just say if there was rug, it got cut and we put the foshizzle in the party's nizzle. 

Emma continues to "deal" with being the only girl. She keeps asking if she'll ever have a little sister. Jahnelle and I think that is so cute. Then we ground her for asking and send her to her room with no dinner. 

Christian turned 6 and also sees the same doctor as Jacob. 

Christian loves walks on the beach, organic foods and sticking his head out the window like a dog. At least his pillow is fully buckled. 

Here is Christian (Luke Skywalker with a hint of pirate face) pairing up with a ghost suffering from terrible red eye. Nothing like a little Red Bull for the Holidays!

These two put the "rider" in rider insurance policy. 

I don't even know where to start with Camden. Please be warned the following pictures may be disturbing to young viewers, even older ones. 

Let's start off with the oh so cute peaceful pictures that warms the hearts of all. Here he is sleeping. Like a little angel. 

Even cuter sleeping in a box. 

Look at me! I love sledding. I am such a good boy!

I clean up my messes. 

Look, everybody loves me! I even have this sweet lady buying in to it. I hold my little hands to my mouth like Tiny Tim . . .

I am debonair too. You can trust meeeeee . . . look into my eyes . . . deeper . . . you are at peace with Camden . . . I would never hurt you or your things . . . just turn away and leave me unattended for a few short minutes . . .

These puppy dog eyes would never betray you . . . just don't fight it. You have things to do and I will be fine all by myself . . .

Now you are in my power. Just like the others, you have been duped. Fools! All of you!  

Now sit back and watch me wreak havoc on your personal, financial and mental well being!!!! Look at my right hand . . . it is ready to strike you at your core! Feel the death claw!!! Scrunching my nose and glaring makes me more powerful!  

I am CAMDEN! Hear me ROAR!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, I also just peed in the river next to you. 

Run away brothers . . . but guess what? You are downstream!!!! It's getting warmer . . . Hahahaaha

Are you looking for the last piece of watermelon? Too bad so sad! I ate half of it and the rest is on my belly. By the way, you need to clean up the table and floor, pronto. 

When we see this face, we know we are about to suffer in some ungodly way that we don't even fully comprehend, even as adults. 

  "Camden, have you seen my debit card? Can I please have it back? How did you get my pin?"

"You can come pry it from my cold dead hands dad! I just bought an iPad 2 with a case.  BTW, your credit score is now below 500!"

He is dating an older woman now and nothing seems to get between them (except peanut butter and Fluff). 

Despite him throwing his toy and cracking our 42 inch Sony LCD t.v. (less than 10 months old) and trying to convince me that the "rainbow" t.v. is so much better (click here for video), we still love him. 

But we also have a healthy appreciation for his ninja death grip and mental incapacitation techniques. Even without pants, he scares the crap out of us. When he spreads all his fingers . . . oh snap! Here comes the pain train and you just got a roundtrip ticket to Camdenville and it's on like Donkey Kong!

 Like a good cheese, Jahnelle gets better with time. She packed up a house and got all the kids into new schools. She is like a wicked awesome trooper and never complains, unless she is out of chocolate or the internet is down. 

 I made her a four level chocolate cake for her birthday. She loved it, but said it brought back a few unpleasant nursing/pumping memories. 

In January she ran away twice - once to see her brother get married and once to visit a good friend.

Here is Jahnelle with a friend from Maine. The friend is great, although she doesn't drink Moxie.  That worries me. 

We all had a great time this summer at her family reunion in Upstate NY - airsoft wars, tons of cousins, way too much good food, and some great awshucks games summed up our week.  My favorite part was running off the dock and getting my toe caught on a cleat which ripped off my toenail.  (Jahnelle removed graphic photo). 

Then in November her friend/sister came out from Indianapolis (Colts 2-13) and they hit NYC to catch a Broadway show. They watched girly movies, stayed up late and did each other's nails. I wrestled a deer and ate it for dinner while driving around lost refusing to ask for directions . . . just so I could feel manly during this special time.  

I love my job (no typo). I find it satisfying to help people find homes and food. This year I found a guy a home for 16 years and food was included!  The security is also top notch! Here I am trying out my invisibility cloak for work. He sees you when you're sleeping . . .

I just love spending quality time with my children.  

Here we are riding the flume at Hershey Park (some of us had wet pants before the splash . . . if you are picking up what I am putting down).

I got to hang with my brother out in LA. That was a great trip that was much needed.  LA breathes air into my often monoculture filled lungs. 

Here's a great idea. Buy some wood and paint it to make swords for all of your kids. I got the "Idiot of the Year" award for this one. There were more tears, holes in walls, bruises, fights, battle scenes and general mayhem than Black Friday at a Wal-Mart. You'll notice the only person smiling and using the sword as an accessory, rather than a killing device, is Emma. Camden is demonstrating the "one eye closed strike."    

What is this next picture?  Is that cat pee all over the floors of your house in Maine?? Yep, our tenants destroyed all of the floors in our home. Me and some of the greatest people on the earth (you know who you are) helped put pine wide plank floors in the entire home.  

The last board after doing five rooms, full set of stairs with landing, hallways and four closets . . .

In the end, we were proud.  

The kids even came up to "help" out. They made sure the new floors stayed in place.  

Jahnelle and I celebrate 15 years of marriage. In 15 years, we have moved 15 times. Our children have been born in three states and two countries. We have used every major moving company (Penske is best) and own our own moving blankets and dollies. We finally feel settled and hope/believe we'll be here for many years (I can hear you laughing). We love our home (although I pine for an 18th Century home with a barn). We are on the train line to Philly (20 min), NYC (1hr), Boston (4hr) and Portland, Maine (7hr). This soothes my geographical ADD. It also means if you visit NYC or Philly and don't visit (and I will know. . .) we'll be upset, and then put you on the Do Not Fly List :) Through all the moves and craziness, we've managed to find time to enjoy each other and create some happy memories.  By far the hardest part of this year was losing two family members. Alex was a great man who we will miss dearly. Nanny was the epitome of a loving Sicilian grandmother. She was the sweetest person on the planet. I don't know what kind of food they have in heaven, but between Alex's cooking and Nanny's homemade everything, it just got a whole lot better for folks up there.  

This year we hope that you and yours have joy and laughter in your homes and hearts. We remember the birth of Christ who helps us remember what is important. We are grateful for your friendship and pray that 2012 brings you joy, happiness, pee free floors, no late night top bunk vomits, diapers that don't leak, crack free television sets and many deductions for April 15.

Love,

The Wenglers

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