Wengler Annual Christmas Letter 2009

Well folks, another year has gone by. It's time for the ...

Wengler 2009 Cash For Clunkers
 Christmas Email!*

If you remember where we left you last year...

We were living in Indianapolis.

We had five kids.

There was no gymnastic equipment in the living room.

Our van was on its last leg.

The carpets had lots of stains.

We had a feather bed, with feathers.

And now ...

well, at least we still have five kids.

We've had a few adventures this year - we went camping in Acadia National Park and hiked to some fabulous places with some fabulous friends. (Only 4 of these children are ours. We can't claim the gorgeous redheads, as much as Emma would love some sisters.)

We stopped by Niagara Falls on our back east. It was fun, but short lived, as the kids wanted to "play in them."

We visited all of our favorite Maine haunts.  It was flipping sweet.

We played and stayed with some good friends.

We even visited LLBean's flagship store in Maine, where Christian narrowly avoided being stomped on.

After many happy years with our minivan, we decided it was time to graduate to the fullsize, bigdaddy, jo-mamma, kid moving van. It seats eight and you can still set up a full size crib in the back (which we did when Camden screamed bloody murder all night in Acadia).

Some call it a school bus, others agree.

Speaking of Camden, he has been recruited by several European soccer teams, based on his hair alone.

He spends his time creating mayhem with his mentor Christian, the Master of Mayhem himself,

and in practicing his "I'm an innocent angel" expression for when the mayhem is discovered.

He is universally loved and adored by us all, even though someday we know he will probably surpass the master. Christian has trained him well.

Christian is now four and he is the perfect son, minus his destructive behavior, violent outbursts, passive aggressive ninja mind manipulation, Madoff Ponzi involvment (yes, we did lose money to him) and feather bed destruction. He has also found a scapegoat who as yet is unable to defend himself against unwarranted and baseless accusations of blame, such as, "Camden climbed up in the fridge, got the milk, climbed up into the top shelf and got the Ovaltine, mixed them up and MADE me drink it."

He has spent all year practicing his charm on unsuspecting females, so far he has been more smitten than they.

After Thanksgiving Christian decided to tear open our feather bed and throw the feathers around his room. Look closely, there is approximately four inches of goose down feathers on the floor. By the way, when using a Shop-Vac to clean up said mess, make sure the exhaust of the vacuum is facing away from the feathers or blizzard like conditions will follow.

He also has a well practiced "innocent" face. Don't believe it for a second. Those are Goldfish crackers in his hand he just got from a small girl at the beach. He traded her sand for them. It's a good thing he's so cute. Or maybe a bad thing ...

Christian does this pose right when I am trying to put him in a time out. I am unable to ward off his mind manipulation. Soon after he infiltrates my cognitive process, I find myself in time out, the keys gone and excessive charges to Chuck-e-Cheese and the QVC (another Magic Bullet). We always get the charges removed, but not without a stern talking to by Visa that usually starts off with, "Hi again Mr. Wengler, just don't look at him straight in the eyes, and for heaven's sake, hide your wallet."

Emma is now seven and in first grade. She is generally low maintenance, minus spa treatments, salon appointments and shopping sprees at the mall. We love her dearly and still claim her as a dependent on our tax return.

She is a great older sister to her two younger brothers. Here she is pulling Camden out of quicksand. Mom and Dad thought it was so cute we put down our books to take the picture. She eventually got him out.

She and Christian get along so well, they are going to be in a new reality show called, "Mom, She is Looking At Me! Dad, He is Breathing My Air!!"

She is loving first grade, is polishing her reading skills, and when the Diva in her is appeased is an amazing helper.

Jacob is nine. He has a lot of energy, so Dale installed gymnastic rings in the front living room. Jahnelle was not pleased with this, but it was a compromise from his orginial plan to install an indoor climbing wall or wrestling ring.

(Of course Jahnelle knows that the rings weren't really for the kids, but as always "the kids would love it" is a great excuse.)

He continues to have an unusual, if not disturbing fascination with giant squids,

as well as any other creatures he manages to lure. He is a great kid and wants to be a marine biologist someday.

He is also our resident Jedi and Lego master.

James is old.  He is twelve.  He wants an iPhone.  I told him to get used to disappointment early in life, it makes the time go faster. 

He still loves electronics, to the point that he believes he is a Wii remote. Our family therapist says it's normal, but keep an eye on it, if it changes into a Jack Lalanne juicer, give her a call immediately.

He is a great big brother and loves how much his baby brother loves him. And Jahnelle loves how much his baby brother loves him too.

He is enjoying his 6th grade year and is learning to play both the trumpet and french horn. And occasionally the piano when his mom remembers to have him practice.

They are all great kids, and we look forward to when they are able to legally work. We have already told them how enjoyable the Alaskan fishing trade is this time of year.

Jahnelle remains as ever, a steady foxy momma. She continues to navigate the family through precarious situations.

She chopped her hair last spring, though it didn't last long. But it was fun while it lasted.

Jahnelle has been blessed with a great friend who has done so much for our family this year, she even made the Christmas email!!

Dale refuses to seek treatment for his geographical and occupational ADD. This was a particularly toxic year for him, despite his 7 step program. He has started a new job in another state and the family will be joining him early 2010 in New Jersey, just outside of NYC. Emma and Christian have already started planning for the high housing costs that they will face.

Dale has tried to do a little moonlighting on the side to raise money. So far it has not been fruitful. He even tried recruiting Christian and Camden, to no avail.

Then he tried acting in a Discovery mini-series called "Middle Aged White Men - They Can't Surf, but Can Hold Up Big Boards."

It soothed his soul to take a winter trip to Maine in a flannel shirt with two good buddies to eat some lobstah (correct Maine spelling) and drink Moxie.

He got to go to Fenway to see his Red Sox. That was superlicious.

Dale continues to adore the simple things in life, like his leaf blower.

What started off in 1996 on a wing and prayer has turned into something wonderful. We continue to have our ups and downs, broken cars, clogged drains, overdue and missing library books, H1N2 (hamster flu), bad hair days, strange rashes and general misadventure. However, we also rejoice in quiet moments, brewed hot chocolate, Napoleon Dynamite, sloppy kisses, functioning chain saws, wire taps, cup holders, Glocks, sleeping children, heated blankets, sectional sofas, handmade birthday cakes, good friends and loving families.

May God bless you and yours during this special time of year. Merry Christmas!

Love,

Dale, Jahnelle, James, Jacob, Emma, Christian, Camden and Alexis (coming soon!)

15 Village Walk Court

Zionsville, Indiana

46077

(Just kidding! We stopped buying tickets for that train sometime ago, five is plenty)

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*This email was created using 85% soy ink, 10% toxic ink and 5% invisible ink. No animals were harmed in the making of this communication.